


Somebody Else

by chocochurros



Category: Original Work
Genre: Anxiety, Cliques, Gen, Isolation, Middle School, Poetry, positive message
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2019-02-01 05:34:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12698406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocochurros/pseuds/chocochurros





	Somebody Else

I walked to the bus stop without much hope,  
Trudging up the hill’s slight slope.  
My backpack heavy upon my shoulders,  
It felt like it was full of boulders.  
But really, it was just binders and books,  
Pencils and pens in nannies and crooks.

School’s toughest day is often the first -   
At least, they say that; it gets much worse.  
In any case, I wasn’t looking forward to this  
….Well, maybe I was. Not that I wanted to kiss  
Anyone or something cool like that.  
Just a fresh new start, I thought, as on the bus I sat.

The first day of school can also be great;  
The new supplies and new you seem to create  
A buzz in the air, of first impressions, excitement -   
The pressure, the change as you think you’re enlightened.  
The summer always seems to be “the one.”  
The one that makes you different, and think that you’ve won.

I got off the bus contemplating these things,  
Barely noticing that the bell didn’t ring,  
And, absorbed in my thoughts, I went straight to my locker,  
Trying to ignore all the insulters and mockers.

See, the majority of the school lived in the same neighborhood  
And that neighborhood seemed like it wasn’t good.  
(Chances are, it wasn’t really,  
They just wanted to look cool without doing wheelies)

I figured I wasn’t too late or too early,  
Since Somebody Elses were all around me.  
As I went to my first class, and sat down there,  
I kept my head down and played with my hair.  
Afraid to make contact, though I wanted to.  
I knew I’d regret it, but I didn’t think through.

The others had already formed into cliques;   
I’d missed my chance. At least a school year only has 36 weeks.  
I knew it would be last year all over again,  
The social outsider, whether 12, 11, or 10.

I always felt like I was all alone.  
No one having my back, no one being my bones.  
I was a body with no structural support,  
I was totally isolated - at sea with no port.  
I felt unique, unappreciated, like nobody cared -   
I stopped seeing others once I became scared.

No matter how good I was, Somebody Else was always better.  
Somebody Else could follow instructions to the letter.  
Somebody Else always got a perfect math score  
Somebody Else was just another Somebody Else - what a bore.

Everybody Else laughing when I didn’t get the joke,  
The only one left out, passive-aggressively, I could choke  
I hated me, I hated Them, I didn’t know what to do.  
That was the hardest part of middle school.

That was all what I felt, and I wanted it to end.  
I would break out of my shell, be funny, bold, make friends.  
Being accepted while still not being the same,  
“Insecurity” - well, what’s in a name?  
But there was one part I missed, one crucial thing..  
I didn’t have Their confident bling.

I felt like I needed validation of my existence,  
Like an ant bowing from a distance.  
Somebody Else was always right, and I was always wrong,  
If They said I couldn’t sing, I wouldn’t do song.  
Whatever Somebody Else said about me was true,  
Although I know better now - - Right? I do….?

Through all of my classes, there were people I’d recognize  
But all I saw were Somebody Elses, disguised 

Somebody Else sat opposite me,  
Somebody Else sat next to her,  
Somebody Else was across the room from me,  
Everybody Else was there, and no one was next to the social leper.  
Me.

 

 

Weird, needs to change, wrong, worthless, messed everything up, mistake, loser, worthless, bad, snooty, prissy, waste of space, incorrect, can’t do anything right, arrogant, stupid, mean, not good enough, no one approves, brat, ignore her, we’re superior, can’t be forgiven, tiny ant.

Someone would glance in my direction and then look away.  
“What, someone sits in that seat? I didn’t know. Who are they?”  
I felt ignored. Invisible, no one would care if I fell.  
Although made of the same things as Everybody Else.  
My cells were not inferior, right?  
“No, of course not,” I thought, as I went to bed that night.

If only I could do something cool, like have somebody crush on me.  
My identity seemed average or less, and that was crushing me.

I felt like everyone hated me, there was something wrong with me,  
If only They would just accept me… I wanted to flee.  
They were better than me in every possible way,  
I felt so small and powerless, every day.

At school we were asked to do a 6-word memoir  
I felt like mine would be the most personal, by far.  
“Know-it-all, a proud one” - - It was actually pretty deep.  
But while others were presenting, my mind took a leap.  
Many other people’s memoirs sounded like my own..  
Maybe.. My thoughts weren’t all alone?

I had some other similar ideas that I kept inside...  
The following are the memoirs that I didn’t decide:

“Unfortunately, self-esteem is highly fragile.”  
“Sticks, stones - - easier said than done.”  
“First impressions matter? Whoops, too late!”  
“If only I had another chance.”

 

But other people’s memoirs were surprisingly relatable  
I guess that maybe were were all in the same boat - One that was reasonable?

I still felt like an unknown stranger whom everyone knew.  
On the outside, They’re so intimidating, so much better than you.  
Could it ever be possible that They were like me?  
Thinking they’re awkward, making mistakes constantly?  
Do They also think that they’ll never be perfect?  
Do They also think they have no social skills - ?

I was there at lunch, sitting alone,  
And my mind was brewing an idea of its own -   
Just then, Someone Else turned around in their seat.  
I screwed my eyes up tight, waiting for the kill.  
It all went out the window  
I knew I was the weirdo  
As Her mouth opened up and my heart skipped a beat   
“By the way, you have a nice voice.”  
From anxiety… What?  
“You were singing in the bathroom earlier. You sounded great.”  
My mouth, on autopilot, rather than choice,  
Said, “Um.. Thanks! I.. like your shirt.”  
And I did. I did like Aditi’s shirt.

A few minutes later, Olivia sat down at the table.  
It was weird because She didn’t give me a label.  
It was like she felt that I was actually equal to Her...   
Maybe the things… in my head… were really a Were?  
They were in my head, weren’t they? I had acted like Them.  
I thought it was normal, but I had felt condemned  
When They did it to me; I felt alone and shunned  
But to think I was wrong - Well, to be frank, I was stunned.

Others sat down, Somebody Elses I knew.  
But they joked with me, laughed with me, and my happiness grew.  
Andrea, Melanie… A popular clique.  
And even some boys - they had dropped the mystique.  
I felt something warm inside of my chest..  
It was really this easy? I should have guessed.

I felt one of Them - no, them; like I really belonged.  
Some people were trading; I joined in the throng.


End file.
